Star Wars & How I Met Your Mother
“The Bro Mitzvah
Cast
Obi Wan - Marshall
Padme - Lily
Anakin - Barney
Dorme - Robin
Rex - Ted
Eirtae - Quinn
Shmi - Loretta
Author’s Note
So, I recently watched this episode and found it to be so hilarious I had to see if this would work. This is from Season 8x22. The casting was a little tricky cause I wanted to have Obi Wan and Padme married for the Obidala kick and hope this works because here Anakin would be like the playboy and party guy in the group. I chose Rex for something different. Eirtae is going to be Anakin’s ex fiancé here. Oh and to go with the modern Star Wars style, Rex, like in the show, is telling the story to his future kids.
Summary
With Anakin and Dorme’s wedding coming, the subject of Anakin’s bachelor party, with Obi Wan and Rex taking charge. However, with Anakin having made every night of his life so far like a bachelor party, the pressure is on especially when Anakin points out that they can’t give him his dream bachelor party.
Obi Wan and Rex are confident they can give Anakin the bachelor party he’s always wanted even if it means leaving Dorme, Anakin’s fiancé having to get through dinner with his mother Shmi on her own. Can the two friends surprise Anakin or will it be the worst bachelor party ever?
Story
“Kids, this is the story of the night Anakin’s life completely fell apart” It was a dark, cool night on the night of Anakin’s bachelor party however things had not gone to plan and now Anakin found himself sitting broken on the steps outside of his apartment wondering how exactly everything fell apart.
Six hours earlier
Anakin was home in his apartment with his fiancé Dorme who was getting ready for a dinner with Anakin’s mother. Anakin had no idea how his night would change but at that moment he didn’t care before nothing could change in his life. “My life is finally perfect!” Anakin exclaims exiting the bedroom into the living room dressed in black pants and white shirt before he slips his jacket on as Dorme stood in the kitchen applying her lipstick.
“That’s never gonna change” he boasts before he looks over at her “Fired up for dinner with my mom tonight?” He asks her as Dorme sighs “To help stream line the rest of our lives, you can always assumed my answer to that question is no” she informs him closing off her lipstick she turns to him. “I’m pretty nervous” she confesses as Anakin looks surprised. “Nervous?” He laughs “Why?” He asks her going on “It’s just gonna be two hours of I love Anakin the most” he points out “No I love Anakin the most”he adds as Dorme shakes her head
“You’re right. I may not even get a chance to talk” she replies referring to the fact Anakin’s mom dotes on her son a lot. She then goes on “But I’m….I don’t know, I’m worried she won’t think I’m good enough to be engaged to her precious little love, love” she admits. Anakin stares back at her. “Okay, first of all, it’s wuv, wuv” he corrects her. “And second don’t worry” he assures her bending down to pick up an envelope on the table before moving over to the front door.
“I’m just gonna drop off our catering deposit and then I’ll be there for you” he promises. Dorme nods “Okay, well please don’t be late, I’m counting on you tonight” she reminds him before she then remembers “And be careful that’s $5000 bucks in there” she warns him. Anakin lightly laughs
“Ah, ha, ha, I think I’ll be okay walking for blocks here on the Upper East side” he confidently assures her heading out the apartment and out of the building onto the sidewalk where he steps out onto the pathway. He stands there for a moment and doesn’t notice a masked figure approaching until they throw hood over his head and push him into the ship in front of him.
Anakin suddenly appears nervous “Please, I never talked to the Separatists!” He cries “Unless you are the Separatists in which case I never talked to the bounty hunters!” He exclaims before he hears a man’s distorted voice “Anakin Skywalker, you are being kidnapped” he informs him before the hood comes off and Anakin sees Obi Wan and Rex’s faces grinning excitedly at him. “For your surprise bachelor party!” Rex exclaims
*************************************************************************************
Anakin relaxed in the cockpit next to Obi Wan as Rex started to fly the ship through the city. Both Obi Wan and Anakin were now holding cigars and Anakin had to admit he was at the moment, quite impressed with what had happened. “A kidnapping? Respect” he smiles “I was secretly worried you might not be able to pull off my bachelor party” he confesses as Obi Wan only looks back at him grinning “Yeah, it wasn’t that secret” he corrects him.
Flashback - Three weeks earlier
Anakin, Obi Wan, Padme, Dorme and Rex were all hanging out at the favourite booth at the bar. Obi Wan and Rex had just revealed that they were going to plan Anakin’s bachelor’s party and Anakin had his doubts.
“You two?” He laughs “Planning my bachelor party?” “Ha, ha, ha” he laughs going on “Look you seem like nice kids but this is a sacred event” he explains “A man’s rite of passage with his bros” his eyes widen as he then realises something “His bro mitzvah!” He exclaims as Padme only shakes her head.
“You didn’t just think of that” she sighs “You’ve been saying it for months” she reminds him as Anakin just goes on “But here’s my dilemma” he admits “My ‘average’ night is like an average bachelor party, so no oftenest but if you two plan it, it’s gonna be ore-why wait for it-nary. Ordinary” he informs them as Dorme then speaks up
“I can help” she chimes in as Anakin shakes his head “You?” He laughs “ha, ha, ha” he goes on “Look you seem like a nice kid, but bro’s fiancee’s cannot plan bachelor parties” he tells her looking between Obi Wan and Rex once more “Sorry, you two are on your own and you will disappoint me” he insists turning to leave before he then turns back “But make it great, okay?’ He smiles before exiting the bar leaving Rex and Obi Wan to prove him wrong.
End of flashback
“But this is a strong start” Anakin tells them looking at the cigar in his hand “The students have become the intermediate students” he admits before he then realises something. “I just have to make one call” he says taking out his comlink. He rings Dorme. “Hello” she says. Dorme is already sitting at the restaurant dressed in a navy blue sleeveless dress and brown hair straightened to her shoulders.
“Dorme, great news. I’ve been kidnapped for a surprise bachelor party so I won’t be there at all” he reveals however it was not something she wanted to hear. “What!?!” She exclaims “Anakin, I can’t do dinner with you mom alone!” She tells him as Anakin sighs. “Okay I’ll call her and make up some excuse and cancel and don’t worry, I’ll take all the blame” he insists placing her on hold and calls his mother.
“Hi wuv, wuv” Shmi smiles upon answering her com link as Anakin grins “Hi Momsies” he replies “I forgot I’m mentoring an underprivileged child tonight and Dorme can’t stay the idea of dinner with you by herself so we’re not gonna——“ However he is unaware that Shmi had already arrived at the restaurant and was making her way over to the table and Dorme had suddenly grabbed the com link from her
“Don’t bother, she’a already here” Dorme tells him. Anakin pauses “Hold on” he says going back to Dorme who snaps back at him “Anakin, don’t—-“ she is then cut off when Shmi takes her com link back “Dorme, can’t stand the idea of dinner with me?” She asks as Anakin, not realising what he’s done simply then says “Great, we’re all set then” he smiles as Dorme tries to cut in once more “Don’t leave me alone wit her, I told you—-“ she then hears him hang up as Anakin looks back at Obi Wan and Rex.
“That problem is solved” he assures them “So what’s the plan?” He asks them as Rex grins “Well, you know the Cantina on Nar Shaddaa” He asks him as Anakin grins “Yeah” knowing where this could be leading to as Rex goes on “You know the secret penthouse adjacent to the cantina on Nar Shaddaa?’ He asks once more as Anakin smirks even more “Yeah!” He exclaims.
A short time later, Obi Wan, Rex and Anakin had arrived at their destination however it wasn’t what Anakin was expecting but a run down filthy apartment building and Rex had just opened the window revealing he had been teasing him. “Boom!” He cries “There it is, visible from our window…in the distance, behind the refinery” he tries to assure him before he sighs. “Okay, you can’t quite see it” he admit as Anakin then looks around the room
“Why are we outside Nar Shaddaa?” He asks them as Obi Wan then speaks up “Well, we thought it was best” he admits “What with your weakness for game of Pazaak” he reminds him.
“Kids, Anakin was addicted to one Huttese gambling game that was well, sort of complicated”
“But don’t worry” Rex assures him “Back when you were engaged to Eirtae you told us everything you wanted for tonight” he promises him
Flashback - 10 months earlier
Anakin, Obi Wan, Padme, Dorme, Rex and Anakin’s fiancee Eirtae are all sitting in their favourite booth as Anakin explains his idea of a bachelor party. “A bachelor party is a man’s bro mitzvah” he explains as Eirate looks up at him confused. “Did you just think of that?” She asks him as he grins “Totally” he replies before going on “We can wear bromulkes” he tells them taking out a small black hat with his face on them “Spin the brodel” he goes on taking out a small wooden block with his face on it making it spin on the table before he continues “And consult the wisdom of the Brorah written in He bro” he reveals a large parchment
Rex shakes his head “Not at all bro offensive” he mutters as Anakin goes on “Ooh couple other ideas and I’m just spit balling here, so take them or leave them” he suggests opening up the parchment “Cigars, duh” he tells them “Strippers, duh” he adds “ooh, things should get so crazy that at some point we fear for our lives”
End of flashback
“Oh we’ll fear for our lives alright” Obi Wan cheekily smirks adding “When we watch Palpatine’s An Inconvenient Truth” he reveals as Rex smirks “Yeah, we’re gonna pound a beer every time we hear the word catastrophic” he adds as there is a knock at the door. Obi Wan’s eyes widen smirking “Ooh, could that be the next item on your list?’ He asks moving over towards the door
Flashback - 10 months earlier
“Mind blowing entertainment, like a magic fire show or naked magic show!” He exclaims. Eirtae then speaks up once more “There’s a good chance our engagement doesn’t work, isn’t there?” She asks as Anakin waves his hand at her “Not now, honey or a naked contortionist!” He insists
End of flashback
Obi Wan then opens the door “Or a balloon contortionist!” He exclaims before they all see a tall white faced clown enter the room dressed in a red jumpsuit with white spots on it and redish orange wig and balloon in hand. Anakin sighs “Balloons” he sighs “Not the inflatable round squishy pushes I was hoping to see tonight” he confesses just as his phone rings once more . “Hold on” he says moving aside to answer his phone just as Rex moves over towards Obi Wan “I told you no clown” he whispers to him as Obi Wan sighs “Well, you didn’t like the bubble guy either” he reminds him
“Hey Dorme” Anakin answers as Dorme then asks him “Did you tell your mother I’m a virgin?” She asks him as Anakin nervously laughs “What?” He asks “Why would you think that?” He asks
Flashback - 10 minutes ago
Dorme and Shmi were both sitting quietly at the table, reading the menus. Dorme already feeling uncomfortable when she hears Shmi speak up “Save yourself for dessert” she insists “And I hear you excel at saving yourself” she grins.
Flashback - 5 minutes ago
Shmi laughs after Dorme answers her question from before “You are so funny” she smiles “What’s gotten into you?” She asks before she goes quiet “Oh that’s right, nothing ever oooh” she teases
Flashback - 1 minute ago
“You may be nervous as to what goes where on your wedding night” she states “It’s really simple” she assures her “Let me show you” she adds picking up a breadstick and napkin ring holder “And let’s start with the fundamentals” she grins
End of flashback
“Why would you tell her I’m a virgin!” Dorme angrily snaps as Anakin fumbles for a response “I panicked!” He cried “Look, I really want her to like your, so just go with it, okay?’ He asks as Dorme feels her anger boiling “Listen wuv, wuv, you better get your ass back…..” She doesn’t finish her sentence because Anakin has hanged up on her just as there is a knock at the door
“Another guest?” Obi Wan asks - he and Rex are now both wearing balloon hats that the clown had made them. “Who could this be?” Obi Wan asks opening the door revealing his wife Padme. “Why, it’s Padme!” He cries “And she’s here to deliver one of your requests” he insists. Anakin breaths a sigh of relief
“Oh thank you Obi Wan” he replies starting to undo his pants as Padme quickly stops him “Oh not that one!” She quickly replies raising a hand in front of her face.
Flashback - 10 months ago
Anakin continues on with his list of things he wants to happen at his bachelor party “An surprise visit from one of old college friends” He exclaims
End of flashback
“Anakin had once had a different group of friends from college and one of them he wished he’d never lost touch with, her name was Darra Thel Tanis and she and Anakin were both known for being wild, night time party people back in the day and if there was one girl he’d want at his bachelor party besides strippers, it would be Darra”
Padme smiles in delight “Here they are, as beautiful as they were from how you remember them and giving this woman wild and secretive thoughts, your old friend Ferus Olin!” She cries entering the room and moving aside just as they all see a average height man with short black hair in a grey suit enter the room. He smiles and looks over at Anakin. “Hey Anakin, Ferus, never thought I’d see you——-“ he is cut off when Anakin cries
“No!!!” He cries “I hate Ferus Olin” He exclaims “I hate him, hate him, hate him, he is not my friend!” He exclaims. “My friend is Darra Thel Tanis, she and I were best of friends and she would have helped turned this night around, not this idiot” he glares over at Ferus. Ferus leans over towards Padme “Oh I see, I thought you meant fun crazy” he mutters as Anakin snaps
“Shut it Ferus Olin, why don’t you have a party with the loser nerds and stop ruining my night” He asks. He sighs “This night has been catastrophic” he admits as Rex then shouts “Catastrophic!” He cries “Everybody pound” he cries referring to their drinks as Ferus then goes “Sorry bro, I’m staying” he reveals “If this is anything like my bachelor party, strippers, bronze, definitely no hand stuff, wink wink” he cheekily grins moving further into the room “It is gonna be in wait for it credible. Incredible!” Padme, Obi Wan and Rex were all amazed at how he sounded like Anakin.
“Wow, you guys are actually a lot alike” he notes as Anakin gasps in horror “You take that back sir!” He snaps “I am nothing like Ferus” he glares “I mean did you guys even get a stripper?” He asks Obi Wan and Rex. Rex and Obi Wan both chuckle. “Bro, bro” Rex laughs as Obi Wan chuckles “Of course we got a stripper” Rex assures him “Do we look like the kind of dweebs who wouldn’t get a stripper?” He asks him
Anakin looks back at them - with their balloon hats, they definitely didn’t look like they’d even think about strippers however then there was a knock at the door. Rex smiles “And as the saying goes, what happens in the sensibly priced hotel outside Nar Shaddaa, stays in the sensibly priced hotel outside of Nar Shaddaa” he assures him
Anakin then moves over towards the door “Who is it?” He asks through the door before he hears a female voice “We got a noise complain from—-“ she starts to say before she sighs “Who am I kidding? I can tell its dead in there” “I’m the stripper!” She calls out. Anakin then opens the door seeing a tall young woman standing there with her long blond hair flowing, police hat on top and dressed in a very sexy police outfit with circular sunglasses over her eyes. Her face drops when she sees who is standing before her
“Anakin?” She asks lifting the glasses off her face as Anakin’s eyes widen “Eirtae?” He asks. It was none other than his ex fiancee Eirtae. Of all the strippers Rex and Obi Wan had to find. No one said a word and the only noise came from the sound of the balloon deflecting that the clown was holding.
*************************************************************************************
“This is your bachelor party!?!” She asks in disbelief “You’re engaged again less than a year after we broke up?” She asks “Is it Dorme?” She asks knowing that she and Anakin had hooked up in the past as Anakin cuts in. “Now, hold on, you’re not the only one with questions here” he warns her turning back to his friends. “You didn’t vet the stripper?” He asks them
Eirtae sighs “Well, I’m glad you’re so happy” she scoffs “After we broke up, I had to move out of the city, my car got totalled and I had to go back to stripping just to pay rent” she sobs “It’s like everywhere I look my life is a dead end!” She cries. Anakin stood in disbelief unable to respond.
“Wow” he breathes “I am—-I am sorry Eirtae” he admits before he then asks “So how does this work?” He asks “You give me a private show or does every——“ he is then suddenly cut off as she brushes past him angrily. “I am not stripping for you!” She exclaims right as Ferus then speaks up. “Whoa!” He cried “Whoa, I was promised boobs” he points out as Padme steps forward “Oh Ferus, if you want, I can—-“ she starts to unbutton her shirt but not before Obi Wan pulls her back
“Padme” he warns as Eirtae then notices the new face “Is that Ferus Olin, Anakin’s old friend?” She asks “Yes!” Padme and Rex reply as Anakin shakes his head “No!” He argues as Eirtae grins “He’s a lot like Anakin huh” she observes as he gasps “You take than back madam!” He cried “I am nothing like Ferus Olin!” He snaps as Eirtae then smirks
“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you what” she starts to say “I am going to strip for everyone except Anakin” she smirks turning back to him “And I’m gonna make it dirty” she insists as Anakin scoffs “Yeah, um, I’m the bachelor” he reminds her “Kind of no stripping without the lap of honour” he explains “Back me up bros” he adds looking over at Obi Wan and Rex however everyone remains silent not saying a word.
And the next thing that happened was Anakin had found himself in the bathroom, forced to listen to the music and the cheers from his friends watching his ex fiancée strip. He sighs before he then hears his phone ring as he hears Obi Wan through the door “How do you even do that?” He asks her as Anakin answers his phone “Hey Dorme” he says as Dorme then replies “Hey sweetie, having fun at your bachelor party?” She asks as Anakin scoffs “No” as Dorme snaps back “Good! Because my night’s been hell!” She exclaimed
Flashback
Dorme was still sitting through an uncomfortable dinner with Shmi who was still under the illusion she was a virgin. “And that’s the inverted chimney sweep” she explains “The last of the 17 basic sexual positions” she reveals “Now bondage—-“ she is then cut off by a frustrated Dorme
“Stop!” She cried “I’m not a virgin!” She exclaims “My napkin has seen plenty of breadsticks” she insists as Shmi stares at her in silence before she then breathes a sigh of relief “Ah thank god, you’re not a prude!” She exclaims “Now, we can really talk” she insists looking over at a waiter “Four cosmo pronto!” She exclaims
End of flashback
“Now she’s drunk, holding up a napkin ring, three breadsticks and talking about her night with Cliegg, Mace and Bail” she informs him before she hears Shmi call out once again “Waiter, can I have another breadstick!” As Dorme sighs “Please come back” she insists as Anakin, believing this night to be turning out to be nothing like he planned, nods “Okay, I’ll be there soon” he promises hanging up and exiting the bathroom.
He then finds everyone in a group hug around Eirtae “Real” Obi Wan admits “So beautiful” Rex agrees “I think I did it, you know?” Padme admits “You did well” Ferus tells her as Rex then notices Anakin. “You didn’t miss a thing” he tells him as Anakin sighs in defeat before he speaks up
“Let’s head back guys” he tells them “This night has been completely half assed” he points out as Rex sniggers “You obviously missed the strip show” he mutters “Hey ho!” Obi Wan exclaims as Anakin shakes his head. “Rex, this was my bachelor party!” He exclaims “A man only gets two or three of these in his life time and this is all you for me?” He asks “That’s it, I’m calling it” he tells them.
“Who needs a ride back to Coruscant?” He asks seeing all of them raise their hands including the clown who starts waving his arm as Obi Wan speaks “Oh, oh guys, wait hold on, hold on” he says trying to see if he could guess what he was saying. The clown makes a gesture like he’s drinking “Drinking” Obi Wan repeats, he then makes a shot “A shot” he adds seeing him nod before he goes a gun gesture “Shooting a gun? Shotgun, shotgun” he states seeing him nod referring to getting the front seat of the car.
************************************************************************************
With Anakin flying, the clown sitting up front beside him, Padme, Obi Wan, Rex, Eirtae and Ferus were all forced into the back seats. “Man, it’s crowded in here” Obi Wan confessed as Eirtae nods “I know, it’s like a clown car” she admits as Padme grins. “Well, I can make some room by grinding on Ferus’s lap” she suggests “Sitting, I mean sitting!” She corrects herself quickly. Anakin sighs “This is the worst bachelor party ever” he confesses once more
Ferus then grins cheekily “Man, my bachelor party was incred -wait for it and I hope you’re hungry because the second half of this is edible” “Incredible!” He exclaims “Self shake!” He adds giving himself a handhshake as the clown looks over at Anakin pointing him and Ferus thinking they’re similar as Anakin gasps
“You take that back clown!” He snaps “I am nothing like Ferus Olin!” he glares as Ferus leans forward towards him “You’ve got more in common with the clown, except his suit’s more expensive” he teases as Anakin gasps and Obi Wan smirks “Hey o!” He claims as Ferus goes on “I mean, what kind of loser has his bachelor party 10 yards from Nar Shaddaa and doesn’t even gamble?” He asks
Anakin, then realising he was still carrying the money Dorme had given him then knows what he needs to do and suddenly without warning, pulls on the ship’s controls hard violently turning it out causing everyone to scream and fly around the ship. Padme falls on Ferus“Oh sorry, sorry, so sorry, sorry, oh” she smiles before she then straightens herself
“Oh wait, just a little more” grabbing his arm and resting her head against it then pulls back “Okay, sorry, okay” she giggles.
*************************************************************************************
Minutes later, Anakin had flown back to Nar Shaddaa and arrived at his favourite casino where a man was shouting in huttese as Anakin arrives at a table “Bro Mitvah!” He cries throws money on the table ready to play.
“Kids, I’ll skip over the gambling, like I said it was a complicated game although your old man did pick it up pretty quickly”
Cheers rang around around the table as Anakin sat dumbfounded as a white chicken now stood on the table as Rex pats his hand on his shoulder “Hey, you just won 300 credits!” He cries as Anakin shakes his head “I just lost 5000 credits” he informs him as Eirtae then starts laughing.
“See, I’m laughing because you couldn’t seen me take my top off, but I just saw saw you lose your shirt!” She laughs. “Hey o!” Obi Wan cries as Anakin then gives in once more “We have to go back” he tells them just as he hears Ferus sneeze “Losers” he mutters
“Sorry, that was a real sneeze” he says “Might have made you miss what I was saying, loser!” He sneezes once more as Padme giggles “Ha, ha, ha” as Anakin disagrees “We’re not going anywhere. I can still make this night legendary” he insists clapping his hands together “Uh, uh” he mutters motioning to the gangster beside him speaking in huttese
“Okay, I got some credit” he insists “I just, Obi Wan, stand over there for good luck” he insists. Obi Wan shrugs “Yeah sure” he shrugs moving past him towards the back of the room just as three girls appeared and moved over towards the door as everyone looked over at Anakin who was looking at the girl’s hands waiting for him to pick on. He points to one hand seeing her open it to reveal a black bean hearing them all laugh at him
“You crazy son of a bitch, you did it!” Rex cries as Anakin knew what he really just did “I just like 80,000 credits” he corrects him. Rex sighs “Oh right, right because of the black jelly bean, that’s 80,000, he’s right” he agrees.
*************************************************************************************
A short time later, Anakin was flying them back home without the money. Padme, of course, was still giggling over her crush for Ferus. She leans forward towards him “You know Ferus, I’ve had quite a number of stories about your wild past and I can be quite the wild girl” she grins as Ferus shakes his head
“Uh, listen, lady your husband is like—-“ he pauses looking at the back seat not seeing her husband “Hey, where is your husband?” He asks as Padme is confused. “Obi Wan?” She asks “Where’s Obi Wan?” She asks Anakin who chuckles
“Okay Padme, don’t over react, but…..” He trails off
Flashback
Anakin leans towards the gangster at the casino “I can give you credit, but I’ll need collateral” the gangster explains. Anakin nods “Okay, I got some credit” he insists. “Obi Wan, go stand over there for good luck” he suggests “Yeah sure” Obi Wan smiles as the gangster leans over to the dealer
“Eighty thousand for the blond dragon” he whispers
End of flashback
Padme was in disbelief and horror “You sold my husband!?!” She exclaims as Anakin tries to settle her down “Padme!” He cried “Can you be more like the Huttese mobster and give me some credit?” He asks her “I’m going back for Obi Wan, I just need to get some money” he insists “You have nothing to worry about, these are the good mobsters” he assures her as Ferus then scoffs
“Wow, what kind of bozo does that to a friend?” He asks as Anakin snaps back at him “Shut it Ferus Olin!” He exclaims however that was when Rex had, had enough and snapped to Anakin “No you shut it!” He cries “Ferus Olin’s right” he tells him “You are a bozo” he informs him. Rex then goes on “You know what a bachelor party’s about?” He asks him “Hanging out with your friends and having a good time, but you only care about the good time not the friends” he points out just as they were arriving back home
“So you know what?” Rex says “I’m done caring about you then, I’m out of here” he informs him getting out of the car as Anakin is quick to follow “Rex!” He calls out “Rex, Rex, I have” he insists trying to catch up to him however Dorme stops him
“I just had to pull your mom away from a living version of a Mace Windu mug shot and put her in a cab home” she explains in frustration “Thank you for abandoning me on what has been one of the worst nights of my life” she cries and it wasn’t about to get any easier.
“So, it’s my usual fee and I usually charge extra for hanging out afterwards” came Eirtae’s voice before he moved over towards them. Dorme looks back at Anakin in shock. “What the hell is she doing here?” She asks as Anakin tries to argue back “Dorme, I swear nothing happened” he insists and this was true however he then heard Ferus call out from the car “That means just hand stuff” he smirks as Dorme glares back at Eirtae before she suddenly launches herself at Eirtae.
Anakin is quick to pull them apart “No, stop, stop, stop!” He exclaims. Dorme straightens herself up sighing. “I’m sorry Anakin, this, this is unforgivable” she tells him taking her engagement ring off. “It’s over” she adds throwing the ring at him before she storms off. Eirtae smiles. “You know…” she tells him picking up the ring. “I never got to that” she grins throwing the ring at him and storming off.
Left standing there, Anakin sighs and stumps down to the ground back against the side of the stairwell. Dorme, having walked down around the corner, ensures she was out of sight of Anakin before she pulls out her phone. “Rex?” She asks “Dorme, we’re right on schedule” she confirms.
*************************************************************************************
Allowing a smirk to cross her face, Dorme then hears Eirtae hurrying over towards her “Anakin’s suicidal!” She exclaims as Dorme smiles even more “I know, it’s awesome!” She grins
“Yup, kids, we had planned out every step of the night”
“It started three weeks earlier”
Flashback - 3 weeks earlier
Anakin was standing in front of his friends in the bar as he grins “And you will disappoint me” he insists turning to leave “But make it great, okay” he smiles heading off as Rex calls back to him “Oh, it’ll be great, all right” he assures him
Rex then turns back to Dorme, Obi Wan and Padme. “Okay, after two weeks of brainstorming, all I have on my list so far is Purell” he admits referring to the cleaning product “Obi Wan, what do you got?” He asks him as Obi Wan sighs “Well, nothing now” he replies “This is impossible!” He exclaims “How do you make something memorable for a guy who makes every night the best night of his life?” He asks them.
It is then Dorme smirks “Give him the worst night of his life” she informs them
Plan - The Anakin
“We’ll, give him the worst hotel room” Dorme insists. Obi Wan, Anakin and Rex all in the crappy, run down hotel room outside of Nar Shaddaa “With the worst entertainment” she goes on referring to the clown “The wrong college friend” she continues thinking of Ferus Olin “And the absolutely last stripper he would wanna see” she adds meaning Eirtae.
Flashback
A week prior to the bachelor party, Dorme, leading the plan had called up Eirtae and arranged to meet at the bar where she was informing her of her plan. “Hold on, you want me to pretend my life’s gone to crap and I’m back to stripping just to screw with my ex fiancé?” She asks. Dorme then gets nervous before Eirtae grins “I love it!” She exclaims
End of flashback
“That party will be so terrible, he’ll have to leave it” referring to them heading back to the city “Then I’ll instruct his arch nemesis to say ‘what kind of loser has his bachelor party 10 years from Nar Shaddaa and doesn’t gamble?”
“Anakin will take the envelope of cash I ave him and head straight into our trap” she explains.
Flashback - Casino
Dorme, Rex and Obi Wan had headed to the cantina on Nar Shaddaa to hopefully bring in the mobsters running the casino. “Hold on, you want us to rig a casino game to trick one of our former high rollers?” He asks her. Dorme becomes nervous “Uh….” Dorme stutters as the mobster smirks “I love it!” He exclaims as Dorme then tells him “Well, then you get Anakin to use one of these guys” she says referring to Obi Wan and Rex “as collateral” she adds
Obi Wan smirks “He’ll probably chose me” he tells him as Rex looks over at him surprise “What?” He asks as Obi Wan answers him “Well, I’d be worth more, you know, perfect teeth” he grins showing him his teeth as Rex laughs “Ahem, yeah it’s just—-just I’m more athletic than you” he argues as Obi Wan laughs “This from the guy who’s never beaten me at skeel ball” he reminds him
Obi Wan then goes on “Only reason a mobster might choose you is because I’d go all Obi Wan unchained on them which isn’t a risk with you” he points out as Rex gets defensive “ Oh you wanna see Rex Unchained? Huh, I’ll show you Rex unchained!” He cries before both men started fighting each other right in front of Dorme and the mobsters.
End of flashback
Flash-forward to the casino and Anakin is desperate and needs collateral. “Obi Wan, would you stand over there for good luck?” He asks him. Obi Wan smirks “Oh yeah sure” he simply replies giving Rex a look of I told you so as he heads to the other side of the room.
“Meanwhile, I’ll make sure he’s abandoned me in my nightmare scenario” Dorme explains referring to dinner with his mother.
Dorme had asked Shmi to meet her at the bar a few days prior to explain her plan. “Hold on, you want me to help you trick my own son?” She asks. Dorme is silent as she smiles “I love it!” She exclaims “Oh” Dorme breathes a sigh of relief as Shmi goes on “Anakin deserves it, you know he told me you were a virgin?” She laughs “He’s ridiculous” Dorme laughs as Shmi nods “I know, you’re a dirty ho bag just like me, but he loves you so much and so do I” she assures her getting up to give her a hug as Dorme looks confused “Ho bag?” She asks herself.
It was then Rex interrupted Dorme, from continuing with her plan. “Wait, hold on, is there any chance this is all too mean to Anakin?” He asks them as everyone keeps silent because they all suddenly burst out laughing. Dorme then continues “Okay, we just need the finale” she tells them
Obi Wan then had a thought “Oh!” He cries “The huttese mobsters chop off my hand right in front of Anakin!” He exclaims “Yes, we’ve all equally enthused” Dorme then goes on “Okay, here’s the plan after I storm off” she begins to say
Present time, after Dorme storms away from Anakin
Anakin, still slumped down outside his apartment building then hears a panicked voice call out to him as a car pulls up along side the kerb. “Anakin!” Cried Obi Wan “Anakin, hurry, give them the money!” He insists “Please hurry!” He adds as Anakin sees his friend in the huttese mobsters car
Anakin is at a loss and doesn’t see Rex re emerge and determined to show he would be the more valuable hostage. “Oh no!” He calls out “The huttese mobster is giving Obi Wan back and taking me hostage instead because he says I’m obviously more valuable” he points out before he tries to unlock the back door. “Can you unlock the door?” He asks them however he was ignored as Obi Wan cries out once more. “Anakin, please, they’re gonna chop off my hand!” He exclaims
Rex tries to argue once more “No, they’re not!” He exclaims “They said you’re free and I think we agreed that’s not something mobsters would do” he reminds him. Obi Wan starts to become annoyed with him “Rex, come on, this is my thing!” He hisses back
Anakin tries to reason with the mobsters “Don’t hurt him” he pleads “I’ve got the money!” He assures him as the mobster shakes his head “Too late” he replies pulling out a large knife and then cuts off Obi Wan’s hand “No!, not my skeel ball hand!” He cries as Anakin shakes his head in horror. “No, no!” He cries before he sees two figures exit the car moving towards him. They grab hold of both his arms and drag him into the building.
There is absolute darkness as the two men drag Anakin up to his apartment as he panics once more “No, no, please don’t shoot me in the face!” He pleads “Or the crotch!” He adds right before the lights suddenly come on and sees everyone all smiling over at him “Surprise!” They cried as Anakin looks confused. “What’s going on?” He asks
Dorme smiles before she speaks up “Well, we decided to give you everything you wanted for your bachelor party without you even realising it” she reveals as Anakin still looks over at them confused. “Wait, so that’s why you made me think Obi Wan might die?” He asks going on “I’d lost all that money and my friends hated me?” He continues “And my wedding was off. You just decided to check everything on the list in the most twisted way imaginable?” He asks them seeing them all remain silent before he smirks
“That is awesome!” He exclaims as Dorme smiles once more “And it was all planned by a girl!” She points out referring to his remark months back about how girls couldn’t plan bachelor parties. “Wow!” Anakin exclaims amazed before he moves over to embrace Dorme as Rex and Obi Wan who was standing near the door, smile over at their friend.
Whilst at the same time, Padme moves over towards Ferus who smiles at her “So Padme, later on tonight, you want to um……” he grins deciding to act on her advances on him all night. Padme then backs off. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, that was all just part of the act, you knew that right?” She asks him as Ferus looks at her confused and a little hurt. “Yeah, totally, we pulled it off right?” He laughs
“Platonic shake” he grins holding out his hand as Padme goes to shake it before he moves away and doesn’t see Padme sigh and with a sensual look on her face, playfully lick the hand just as Anakin speaks up “Everyone, everyone thank you for an incredible bro mitzvah” he grins as Rex nods. “Mazel bro!” “Mazel bro!” They all cried in response. However, there was one Anakin knew was not there and wasn’t about to let his friends not be aware of it.
“Mm, on you didn’t really get everything on the list” he informs them shaking his head “No offence to Ferus Olin, but he wasn’t the college friend I expected” he admits as Ferus just shrugs not bothered before they all then heard a voice behind Anakin.
“I couldn’t agree with you more” they spoke up as Anakin turned to see the clown moving towards him. They placed their glass of wine down and took of their nose “Did you know they almost didn’t get me?” They asks taking off their orange wig revealing strawberry blond hair. “But after 18 voicemails, I returned Dorme’s call” they revealed.
Anakin looks back at Dorme confused as the clown starts taking off the make up “And she told me you were getting married and how you regretted losing contact with me all these years later” they smiled seeing Anakin still look confuse
“So, when she asked if I’d help, well my answer just had to be……” they paused before ripping off the clown jump-suit revealing a stunning, short strapless deep purple dress and Anakin gasps realising that his favourite college friend was standing right in front of him. Darra laughs as she strikes a pose before Anakin gasps “Darra Thel Tanis!” He cried happily embracing her just as Dorme, Obi Wan, Padme, Rex, Eirtae, Shmi and Ferus all stood smiling - they had done it - they had truly surprised their friend giving him a bachelor party to remember.
Well, there you have it - my first Star Wars How I met your mother Obidala style! It was tricky but quite fun to make and I know Obi Wan and Padme weren’t the “centre” I could’t resist because they had their moments and enjoy, hopefully there will be more.